Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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