do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
wow bdsm is so cute
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
