A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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