i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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