All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
