Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
