i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
