Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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