I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
