i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
