If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She announced her abortion via fbk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
