I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
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Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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