i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
