nut hugger
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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