I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
