Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
