the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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