What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
