Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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