So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
