Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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