i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
