She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
should my penis look like a turkey
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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