I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
there's paper in my vomit.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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