Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
