I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Randomize
