another moral hangover. fuck.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
