Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
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The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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