if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
