You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
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Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I think my moral compass just broke
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