Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
