your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
