If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
