my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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