when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
