this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts