wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
