you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
