Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
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it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
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I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.