so let's talk penis.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
