A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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