He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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