omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Randomize
