Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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