Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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