life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
