watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
