i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
