Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I love having hate sex.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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