no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
