He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
