Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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