somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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