You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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