Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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