Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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