I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
