We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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