remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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