Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
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Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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