I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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