once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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