ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
