i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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