i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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