Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
