Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
