I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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