im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
