a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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