Don't you send me to vm
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
