The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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