Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
