I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
