I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
