Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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