this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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