my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your dad touched me again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
