you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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