2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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