i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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