What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
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We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
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Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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