My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
