i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
