i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm sobbing to NWA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
