Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
