Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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