I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
